Choose Your Reality

Before you  run out and buy your breast cancer kit you may want to look into this more. I did a few years ago and made the decision not to get the test for many of the same reasons in this article. Although it is a bit reactionary it provides some good points for consideration.

Now I am even less inclined to jump on this bandwagon as the people driving it are the very ones that have demonstrated time and time again that they do NOT have our best interest at heart.

I haven’t quite decided what I think about Angelina Jolie’s role in this.  It seems out of character for her to be in cahoots with big pharma.  It also seems rather unlike her to be duped by them either.

I wonder what unintended consequences women may be creating for themselves by running out and getting these tests.  While I’m not sure whether or not Angelina is in cahoots with big phrama, I’m damn sure health insurance companies are.  Data can be skewed in all kinds of ways.  The way they report the results on these tests tends to skew the data to high likelihood of cancer.  What evils do insurance companies have in store for women with high risk test results?

The presence of a gene does not mean certain cancer or anything else.  There is mounting evidence that even if a gene is present it is not guaranteed that it will be activated.  Please, before you run out and buy that test, read Bruce Lipton’s Biology of Belief.  If after reading it you still decide you want the test what will it have cost you?  A few days delay. We have far, far more control over our health than most people realize. And our genes don’t determine everything.  The human genome project revealed that we have 1/10 of the number of genes they predicted.  We have less than a fruit fly.  That got Lipton thinking, the genes can’t possibly be running the whole show, so what is?

Don’t think that I’m taking breast cancer lightly.  Years ago my mother’s doctor was really pushing for me to get the test when my mother had a small malignancy. Based on our family history I could have the gene. This was before I had read anything by  Lipton, it was probably when the ideas were formulating in his head. It was before insurance companies had begun to reveal their predatory nature. It was before pharmaceutical companies held patents on human genes.  That’s right big pharma holds patents on your DNA – the stuff your mom & dad gave you. The company putting out these tests holds the patent on that gene. Makes Monsanto look like a cuddly kitten.

Anyway, I decided at the time that knowing for sure I had the gene was probably more dangerous than the gene.  The mind is a powerful thing. It has a way of creating what we worry about.  I knew I’d worry if I came up with a high likelihood on that test. I decided instead to live my life as if breast cancer could be a possibility for me and then stop thinking about it.  I turned my attention to living as healthy of a lifestyle as I could.  Over the years I’ve made it a priority to learn more and more about how to stay in optimum health and integrate more and more into my life. That test  represents a tiny sliver of the contributing factors to my health.

I am not my genes.

We have far, far more control over our health than most people know. At least until we surrender it.

Before you get this test. Stop . Do your homework. Once you’ve done it you may still decide to opt for the test.  Just make sure it is a well informed decision and not driven by the stampede of  fear.

One of my all time favorite quotes is from Louise Hay.  I can’t remember it word for word, basically she says. If there is one word I would remove from our language it is the word “should”.  It implies one is wrong, was wrong or is about to be wrong.”

Try this exercise for just one week.  Replace the word should with could.  See what happens in your own mind when you find yourself thinking “I could do that” instead of “I should do that”.  You will probably find yourself suddenly thinking of 3-4 other possible solutions.

Should shuts down possibilities.  Could shifts the mind into problem solving mode.

Notice what happens when you use could instead of should with others.  Ever notice what happens in your own mind when someone says “You should”? If you’re like most people your mind automatically starts coming up with arguments for your way.  What’s your experience with, “Well you could try….”? Notice how your curiosity and consideration of the point rise to the top rather than resistance?

So you could try replacing the word should with could for one week and see what happens.

Photograph by Will Rountree

Sometimes I stop and think about how my life is a string of one day after another.  Each one starting with the sun rising.  Everything I have in my life right now is a result of how I lived those days.  Everything I will have will be a result of what I’m doing now.  There were some big days, some exciting days and most of them were average every day days.

In this post I’m giving away one of my most effective tools I use with my clients. As I’ve shared before, some blog posts are much like Athena being born out  of Zeus’ head. They pound at my brain until I write them down.  Others are gifts for friends.  This one is a bit of both.  I could have just given this to her offline, and yet it also demanded to be shared in a post.  I’ve shared this idea in other posts, what I’ve never shared is the list of questions.

This exercises is effective for both personal and business goals.  There is really very little distinction between the two. What blocks you in one blocks you in the other.  Clear one, the other is cleared as well.

I love this tool because it works with the way the brain naturally works.  We are designed to grow and evolve.  Our brains love to solve puzzles.  It’s what got us from living in caves to where we are today. The key is we must perceive it as a solvable puzzle, a bridgeable gap.

You’ll End Up Among The Stars…Or A Splat on the Floor of the Canyon


“Shoot for the moon! If you miss you’ll end up among the stars!”  When people create goals on this premise, those goals tend to be too different from their current reality for their brain to treat them as an actual possibility.  Imagine trying to make a running leap to make the jump from one side of the Grand Canyon to the other.  Your basic survival sense dismisses that as even a possibility because it knows better.  The goals are so big that they can only be in one’s future, across an impossible gap.  If there is a little part of you that knows this is your pattern this tool may be just the thing you need to build a bridge across that canyon.

 You’ll Still Put Your Pants On One Leg at a Time

They’ll just be higher quality pants.  Even when you are raking in millions of dollars and living in that dream house by the beach you’ll still eat breakfast everyday.  You’ll still sleep, and get dressed and meet friends for lunch and do something all day.  Whatever dream life you are living, it will still have it’s average days. Take some time to really answer the questions below to figure out, if you were living your perfect life, what your day would be like.  Do whatever works for you – journal, list, draw, cut out pictures, create a board on Pinterest, make a video, do a spreadsheet.

You May Be Closer Than You Think

Next go back through and make note of the ways you are already living your perfect average day.  This creates the first plank in the bridge between where you are and where you want to be.  For the next week as you are going through your day pay attention to and be grateful for all the ways your life already matches your dream life.  We get more of that which we pay attention to and that for which we give thanks.

Next start looking for small changes you can make to make your current average days more like your dream average day.  Now you are looking for opportunities to to lay down more planks on the bridge.  Our brains are wired to solve puzzles.  When you make the effort to consciously look for ways to close the gap the creative problem solving part of your brain gets the message that this is what we need to move forward and evolve and it gets busy finding ways to close the gap. You’ll likely start noticing new ideas popping into your head and notice yourself spotting opportunities you might have missed before. You will probably find yourself choosing not to do things that you might have done on autopilot before because some part of you knows it isn’t part of your perfect average day.

So now turn off your phone, close the Facebook tab, put out the do not disturb sign and have some fun with this.  This is not a questionnaire.  You do not need to answer each question. They are just here to get the juices flowing.  As soon as they are, go with that.

What kind of bed do you wake up in?
With whom?
What is the first thing you see?
What do you smell?
What do you hear?
What is the first thing you do?
What’s the view out the window?

What’s your bathroom like?
What is your morning routine?
What kind of soap do you use? Toothpaste?
What are your towels like?

What do you eat for breakfast?
With whom do you eat it?
What do you talk about?
Where do you eat it?

What do you do during the morning?
Where do you go?
Who are you with? What do you talk about?

What do you drive?
What can you walk to?

What do eat for lunch?
With whom? What do you talk about?
Where?

What do you do in the afternoon?
With whom? What do you talk about?

What do you eat for dinner?
Where do you eat it?
With whom do you eat it?
What do you talk about?

What do you do after dinner?

What is your house like?
What is the light like?
What do you smell?
What sounds do you hear?
What is your furniture like?
Describe your favorite place to hang out?

What is your yard or garden like?
What kinds of plants grow?
Who tends to it?
What do you smell?
What do you see?
What do you hear?
Describe your favorite place to hang out?

Who are the people you interact with regularly?
Kids?
Business partners?
Friends?
Spouse/partner/significant other..
Who are the people in your neighborhood?

What projects do you have that you are really excited about?

What clothes do you wear?
What do they look like?
What do they feel like?
How do you feel when you are wearing them?
What are your shoes like?
What kind of underwear do you wear?

What kind of food do you eat?
Who prepares it?

What do you do for exercise?
How else do you tend to your health and  well being?

What beauty services do you get regularly?
How do you feel?

What excites and inspires you?  Makes you leap out of bed in the morning?

How do you contribute to your community? To the world?

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It’s 3:30 am.  The screaming pain in my left foot has kept me up all night. While trying a “strapless aerial” (catching air on a strapless surfboard) the edge of the board hit the side of my foot.  I’m still at the stage where I can catch the big air but then its board & body parts flying everywhere.   I remember thinking, “That’s gonna bruise”.

It didn’t start hurting till about 10pm when I was trying to go to sleep.  It bugged me enough that I dragged myself out of bed to get an ice pack.  At that point I could still put weight on it. The pain kept building and building until all I could hear was the pain.  I got up again to get pillows for elevation & a bandage for compression. This time it wouldn’t take any weight.

I had an injury like this when I was just learning kiteboarding.  Similar scenario.  The board hit my foot (only that time it was because my board and I were tumbling through a wave together). It didn’t hurt until later in the evening then suddenly the pain was all consuming and I couldn’t put any weight on it.  That time I went to urgent care.  The doctor freaked me out, saying it could be “turf toe” which is really serious. He referred me to a specialist and gave me strict orders for zero weight on it until then.  The specialist said I was fine.  It was just a serious contusion, but the body sends the powerful pain messages to make sure you stay off it to prevent more serious injury.

Ice, elevation and compression are doing nothing. I just want to cry.  I want to call someone for a pity party, but everyone’s asleep. Then I remember the times I healed my bruised ribs in 20 minutes and a blistery burn overnight based on Bruce Lipton’s The Biology of Belief.
I stop the pity party and remember to ask, “Is that sensation pain or my cells busily repairing the damage?”  In this case it’s both.  Pain to make me stop so my cells can do their job.  Still I couldn’t  get the pain in check.  I sang my little song about my cells being healthy & well 10x.  It’s a silly little song and it is crazy how well it works.  Interrupts and redirects the neural net from being dominated by the pain to an incompatible and more effective thought.  Pretty soon the consuming fog of pain began to  differentiate.

I could feel the sharpness where the board hit. I focused in on that and shifted into gratitude that our bodies are so amazing that we can heal like we do.  My whole body relaxed.  I hadn’t realized how tense it was from the pain.  In a few minutes that area settled down into a gentle throb. I could see the rebuilding happening.

Then I realized the tendons on the front of my foot were hurting.  They hurt to the touch.  I had a pretty wild day out on the water, it’s very possible I have two injuries.  The water is so cold that it’s not uncommon for not to feel anything until later.  I moved the compression from focused on the contusion to focused on this spot.  Wow, that settled things right down. Right now I have a quiet dull ache and I can feel microscopic movement.  I’m deciding that’s the sensation of those cells busily repairing the damage.  Like road crews working through the night under bright lights piercing the darkness  to handle an unexpected crisis so the road will be ready for people to get about their day in the morning.

Now hopefully….sleep.

The Following Morning:

Despite having been up until 4am I woke up at 7:45.  After borrowing some crutches and having a cup of decaf with a friend who offering sympathy I passed out on the couch.  The rest of the day I rested really, really hard, getting up only for fresh ice packs and more water.  Remember, when your body is healing weather it be illness or injury one of the best things you can do for it is stay hydrated with simple water.  It is so key for cellular clean up. Throughout the day I took a moment to picture my cells busily and happily repairing the damage (picture a Disney style cheerful work song animation number)  Suddenly at 5:15 it took a turn for the better.  I could put weight on it.  It hurt to walk.  It wasn’t quite the 20 minute healing I did with the bruised ribs, but still to go from screaming pain to able to walk on it in less than 24 hours? That’s still pretty good.

Day 2:

I can do a full rotation of my ankle, the impact spot is  tender to the touch and still has the scratch marks where something, maybe the fin? hit. Zero pain to walk. When I returned the crutches today my friend teased me that I had been faking the whole time.  Believe me, that pain and swelling were real! We just have more influence on our pace of healing than most people realize.  Aren’t our bodies and their ability to self-heal wondrous things?

Pain and dis-ease is our body’s effort to communicate with us.  To let us know something is wrong.  Our cells are wise. They know just what they need to heal.  The problem is we so often mis interpret pain as something to be eliminated instead of understood.  All those discomforts are the cells’ attempts to communicate a need – whether it be to rest, to drink more water, to eat real foods.  Sadly, so often instead of daring to sit with the pain long enough to find out what our cells need, we run to a bottle to numb the pain and silence the message.

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A graduate student in clinical social work stumbled across this site while doing research for an elective class in spirituality.  I found myself feeling like Coleridge’s Ancient Mariner – compelled to share what I learned with someone just starting out.  The fact that his program has an elective course in spirituality and the fact he elected to take it give me hope for him in what I know to be a challenging  as well as rewarding career.  It’s a good start that a clinical social work program includes a course in spirituality as an elective.Perhaps someday it will be part of the core curriculum.

More and more scientists like those in my recommended reading below are discovering that the more they try to distill the human experience to empirical data, the more they find themselves face to face with spirituality.  Social work is a quest to serve humanity.  It is inherently spiritual. The better a service provider’s spirit is nourished the more effective their service.

Like Coleridge’s Mariner the ending of my career was not a happy one.  I left on doctor’s orders. I was physically, emotionally and spiritually  drained.  I feel compelled to share what I learned on that journey with others just starting out.

Let It Go – Find a practice to let go of the day before you go home. I know it can be hard.  You are working with people in desperate situations, in deep pain.  You staying up all night, ruining your relationships, and obsessing 24/7 will not make it better for them.  Two bodies cannot occupy the same space at the same time.  Two thoughts cannot occupy the same mind at the same time. If you are obsessing about your day or a case there is no room for restorative thoughts.

Take Care of  Yourself- You can only give what you have. If you are serious about being effective for your clients you will make these things a priority.

• Meditate Daily - Spend 20 minutes daily sitting quietly. When thoughts come up about work or anything else, remind yourself all you have to do right now is breathe. When you have an intense job where you are responsible for people’s lives your instinct is one of your greatest tools. A practice of sitting quietly and just listening helps you access your instinct more effectively in the moment.  If something is really troubling you, you could ask, “What do I need to know about this?”  Then let it go and just sit and breathe.  You’ll be surprised at how the answer seems to come out of no where later
• Do Something You Love - When a job is stressful and demanding. When you spend your days immersed in intense situations it can seem frivolous to do that hobby you love.  You may want to just come home and flop on the couch. Do whatever it is that gives you joy. Our habits of thought create the neural patterns in our brain.  You must interrupt the patterns created by a stressful job on a regular basis.  In his book, Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton explains the impact those patterns of thought have on our cells.  I don’t think I would have survived without my passion for kiteboarding.
• Spend Time In Nature - One of my favorite things to do when I was a teacher was work in the garden.  It was partly because I could pull the weeds without having to do reams of paperwork and I could see the immediate effect.  And though it took longer to see effects of my nurturing the flowers I did get to see the effects. Often in my service to families I never knew the outcome.  In their book, Your Brain on Nature Selhub and Logan share studies of the restorative impact of spending time in nature. My highly unscientific studies reveal that my nerves feel combed after a frolic in the ocean.

You May Just Plant The Seed – When I first started out I had hopes of truly changing a child’s life.  The fact is with institutional systems and family systems that wasn’t always possible. For some children the greatest gift I could give them was the experience of having someone really care about them. Give them a taste of what it feels like to be treated with respect.  What it feels like to be valued just as they are. For many of my students this was their first experience of that. Now it was on their map. Now they would seek it again.

You May Just Be The First To Say It – As a special educator I often was the first to tell parents what they didn’t want to hear about their child. Some left. Others refused services. At first I felt like I failed if I didn’t bring them around to accepting the services I knew their child needed.  Then I noticed I worked with families where I was the 3rd or 10th person to say something and now they were ready to hear it. For some clients you may be the first of the 10 times they need to hear it before they can listen.  Do your best, follow protocols, document, document, document and when they move on let it go.

Look For Something We Can All Agree Try – As a special education teacher I worked with students who were served by many different institutions.  Sometimes things got adversarial. Prejudices among organizations or particular service providers, as well as diametrically  opposed beliefs of what was best for the child could lead to some very intense meetings.  Sometimes you need to let go of the idea of saving the world or what you think is the absolute best solution and find something everyone can agree to try.

That which we resist persists.  If there is someone involved in your case with whom you completely disagree building your case against them be it in your mind or with your team only makes it worse.  Try this.  Next time they are talking or you are reading their report in your mind repeat, Ok, OK, Ok.  This is not agreement with them. This is the mental equivalent of the Kung Fu move of absorbing and redirecting the opponents energy past you.  You’ll be amazed at the insights you’ll get on what they are really fighting for.  Then you can start finding something everyone can agree to try.

A client is not served if all their providers are deadlocked.  By agreeing to try something and establishing a specific date for follow up review you create forward movement. If it works, great. If it’s not the perfect solution at least now the team has information about the parts that worked an those that didn’t and new information to provide better service.

Secret Ninja Trick – Learn NLP Rapport skills. Our lizard brain constantly assess our environment and the people with whom we engage to determine if they are safe or not. Those little reptiles are tend to be particularly vigilant for people in the sorts of situations where social workers are involved. NLP rapport practices work on two levels.  One, it helps people feel safe and builds trust.  It also helps you step onto their map.  You’d be amazed at how much better you understand another person’s experience when you match their posture and words.  This is key for understanding your clients and is very powerful for understanding the point of view of others on the team with whom you may disagree.  So along with saying “OK” in your mind match their posture. You may suddenly find yourself understanding their point of view, which is the first step to effective collaboration.

Essential Reading:

Keep these books in your collection and re-read them every few years.

Forgive For Good by Dr. Fred Luskin

Biology of Belief by Dr. Bruce Lipton

Hmmm, interesting, just like Coleridge’s character, I feel better for having shared.

 
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Woohooo! Last night I got some really strong evidence that we really do create our own reality and that I am damn good at it!  In the last couple of years I’ve had my car broken into 3 times. The last being last night.  I had spent the day at a kite demo in Alameda all day I had been super careful about my wallet and phone.  Keeping a close eye, checking it often to make sure no one had stolen it.  Lately I’ve been super careful about not leaving my kite gear in my car.  And when I have to I camouflage  it all with a big tarp, food wrappers and dirty old shoes.

Longer story shorter, if I don’t let my clients wallow in their stories I don’t get to either.  When we came back at the end of the evening my interior light was on and things thrown around in the car.  No windows were broken.  My stomach dropped.  It was unlocked.  I’m a city child.  I lock and double check my car every time I leave it, even just to run in some where for a few minutes. This time I didn’t double check after we dropped something off.  I was chatting & not paying attention.

My whole premise of my business is that we create our own reality.  Why on earth would I create this!?  Our emotions are what give us the most juice in what we attract in our lives.  Emotions are like electricity in an electromagnet.  Attraction is neutral as far as “positive” or “negative” emotions.  It simply follows the path of the strongest emotion.

In my case, fear of having my stuff stolen was the strong emotion for me that day.  That was the strongest path of attraction I was creating.  To continue to wonder why this had happened to me (for the 3rd time in 2 years), to beat myself up for having attracted this would only attract more of the same.

I knew I had to find a perspective that I could use to interrupt my strong negative fear of getting my stuff stolen with an even stronger emotion around creating what I say I want.

I knew I had it when the thought hit me, “Whoa! I am really good at manifesting what I want! Just look at how quickly I did it!  Only a one day of vibrating fear of getting stuff stolen.  Bam! I got exactly what I asked for!

When I realized that I actually laughed out loud. Suddenly the fear was swept away by a sense of fun and just a dash of mischievousness, as I realized how really freakin’ good I am at generating what I want. Since I’m human I knew I’d still have moments of feeling sad, victimy an fearful about the whole thing.  And I also knew I had a really effective thought for diverting my attention and making my happy, generative emotions stronger than fear and protection.

And from now on I promise, promise, promise to listen to that little voice the first time!
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When I shared with people I was heading back to Washington, DC for my 25th high school reunion responses usually reflected a sort of sympathy for a dreaded experience.  I know for many people high school was not a great time.  For me it was one of the happiest phases of my life.  Going back for this reunion is a bit of deja vu for me.

When I entered Holton-Arms in 9th grade it was a transition from a very dark phase of my life to a sort of renaissance, a blossoming for me.  I had a bit of a backwards experience.  For me elementary school was the nightmare most people experience in high school.  I was at the bottom of the social food chain.  I struggled academically.  Even though I could quickly grasp the concepts I couldn’t perform tasks like regurgitating a list of spelling words dictated on Friday, memorize multiplication facts or even copy numbers or words correctly from the board.  Every day of school was a fresh experience of the same nightmare.

I was fortunate to live in Washington, DC where there was this new cutting edge organization called The Kingsbury Center.  It was a bit of a relief to find out I wasn’t insane or a complete idiot as I felt like for not being able to perform those basic elementary school tasks.  But it didn’t help much as my classroom teachers declared no one was going to tell them how to run their classroom and refused to even try any of the recommendations in the evaluation.

My acceptance letter to Holton-Arms read, “Based on Lydia’s Kingsbury report we think geometry may be a real challenge.  We’re up for it if Lydia is.”  There seemed to be a break in the dark clouds hanging over my life.

Then on the first day of school they seemed to descend again.  I broke my toe the day before so walking was slow and painful. My transportation option was a private vanpool company that didn’t have it together and didn’t get me to school until half way through first period.  At lunch, before I got a bite I dropped my full tray of food.  I fled the cafeteria and headed for a back hallway.  There I crossed paths with our headmaster, Jim Lewis.  He greeted me by name.  I don’t remember the conversation, just the experience of feeling safe and nurtured as he ushered me back into the flow of the school day.

Holton lived up to the promise in my acceptance letter.  My teachers never let me use my dyslexia as an excuse or crutch. Neither did they let it serve as a barrier to my success.  They worked with me to find ways to evaluate my work that was fair to both me and the other students.

I had such a great time in high school.  Our teachers really cared.  I remember classes as fun lively debates and discussions. The workload was heavy.  Standards were high, and we were supported every step of the way. We were encouraged to try everything.  I spent many happy hours in the darkroom and on the playing fields and just hanging out in the breezeway to the library.

Our social dynamics were different.  We were an all girls school.  We had different groups, but I never experienced the nasty, predatory cliquishness I’ve heard others relate from their high school experience.  There were girls I wouldn’t have ever hung out with outside of school, and we tended to have different areas around campus where we spent our free periods, but if we happened to be in the darkroom or assigned to a project together we’d chat and goof off and get along just fine.

I lost touch with everyone when I moved out to California and became a teacher.  Reunions were always the weekend right after spring break.  A terrible time for me to make the cross-country trek.  The physical distance soon became a metaphorical one as well.

This is the first reunion year since I left teaching and I have the flexibility go back to DC.  It’s an interesting repeat.  Like a big wheel completed a rotation.  Deja vu.  Here I am landing back in the Holton arms (pun intended) just as I’m coming out a dark cycle reminiscent of the one the first time I came to Holton.

Dina, now a jewelry designer created a special piece for our reunion.

I really needed this weekend to remember my roots.    It’s impossible to explain to anyone who didn’t go through the Holton experience.  And anyone who did immediately knows all the nuanced meanings behind our school motto of “Find a way or make one.”  There’s something so comforting about it.  As Liz articulated, “You know that no matter how bad things are you’ll find a way through and will be OK.”  It’s the sense of confidence.  Holton had high expectations and demanded alot of us, but we were never pitted against one another.  There was this sense that there was enough room for achievement for all and that one person’s success didn’t mean another’s loss.  That’s why Ruth and I were able to have such a fun competition academically.  It was so awesome to be in a place where academic achievement was not only ok, but was treated with humor.  When I went to college I dumbed in classes to fit in.

There was an appreciation for the range of different types of achievement, interests and abilities.  Some people were amazing athletes. Some were musicians, others were academic stars. Acknowledging and honoring all different types of talents and abilities was the culture.  I guess our jocks didn’t rule the school like in other places because, while their achievements were valued, so were those of the It’s Academic team and the actors and artists and choir.  Since our teachers and administrators valued all our different contributions we tended to respect each other’s different ways – even if we weren’t particularly interested ourselves.  

At our 25th reunion an old acquaintance became a new friend.

And this time I fell into orbit with someone new.  In high school we just sort of never crossed paths much.  This weekend they kept crossing and I made a new friend out of an old acquaintance

I’m in what often feels like a really precarious and uncertain phase.  I’ve been holding my breath hoping I can actually pull off this crazy stunt with my life. Everyone I talked to this weekend had the Holton attitude of “Of course you’re going to succeed, that’s what we do.  It may not be how we first planned, it may require some serious last minute revamps, there may be some hilarious disasters,  but off course you’re going to find a way or make one.”

Watching my classmates organizes this weekend cracked me up.  It was so high school all over again.  It’s like a spontaneously generating S.W.A.T team. One or two people step up & start the organizing.  Suddenly a committee emerges. Communication systems are established.  Leaders of different components emerge.  Input from the whole group is requested.  If you exercise your vote, awesome, if not that’s fine to. Input is considered and decisions are made.  I think that’s the main factor that makes our organizers so effective.  They make thoughtful and swift decisions.

I hear they are putting together a Real Housewives of DC TV show.  These are the real women of DC.  Though it’d never fly as a reality show.  Rarely are there power struggles or hurt feelings if an idea isn’t used.  Organization teams cross group lines, whoever wants to help is welcomed.  Labor tends to be divided equally.  Committee meetings are fun.  Connections are contacted, calls are made.   #$^& gets done.

This weekend I remembered everything I learned at Holton – well the stuff that really matters.  I realized, if I really, really needed it I could call in the cavalry for support.  Not only would I have support, resources, contacts, ideas, connections who knows what else. I do know for sure that there will be really good food.

Thank you to Dina Zupnick of Dizzy designs for the pictures. You don’t have to be a “Holton girl” to order the pendant.  Contact her at dzupnik at comcast dot net to order.
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If you are looking for it, you can find wisdom anywhere.  Even stupid sitcoms.  A while ago I saw an episode of “How I Met Your Mother” that talked about having people on the hook and being on someone’s hook.  It’s that scenario where one person is into another, and the interest is not returned.  When the uninterested party breaks the news,  just at the end they add a little glimmer of hope that maybe someday things could change.  A hook to keep the other person attached.

The show explored the different characters and whose hook they were on and who they had on their hook.  And how people tend to put the hook out there because it feels a little good to know there’s someone out there into you.  And how bad it feels to be on someone else’s hook.  And how most people don’t even realize they are on someone’s hook or that they are keeping someone hanging on theirs.  Through the course of the episode the characters cleaned up their hooks.  They had the final, final “the feelings aren’t mutual” conversation without adding hook of hope that something could happen it was never going to happen in this life time.  They did whatever they needed to to do stop clinging to the sliver the person whose hook they were on had given them.

I liked that they really explored how being on and keeping people on hooks prevents being really available to move forward into a complete relationship with someone else.  And how most people put the hook out there because they really don’t want to hurt the other person.  It seems to soften the “I just don’t love you” punch in the gut. And how it is actually kinder to just be straight and real, let them know there really is no hope so they can do what they need to do to move on.

The other day I was having a final conversation with someone.  I had hoped for more.  He was telling me he’s going through alot, etc. etc.  “but that doesn’t mean things couldn’t change in the future”.  It was practically a line right out of that episode.  He was holding out a big shiny hook with a big fat juicy worm of hope.  That dumb show with all of it’s wisdom came back to me.  I realized in that moment I had the choice to bite into the hook or not.

Just because someone puts the hook of hope out there does not mean you have to buy into it.  Because I had heard of the idea before I was able to instantly recognize it for what it is and make an informed decision.  I’ve spent my fair share of time on people’s hooks and know how much it sucks.  Now that I know better than to just blindly fall into it there’s no way I’m going there.

In the moment I made that choice I felt like I suddenly let go of a cord between us.  It zipped back  to him like a retractable cord suddenly released.  Since then I haven’t even really felt that sad. Definitely not as sad and miserable as I feel when I’m on the hook, hoping, waiting, looking for some sort of sign.  Ugh, what an entirely powerless state to be in.  Pinning your happiness to someone else’s actions.  Since you have absolutely no control over what someone else does, you then have no control over how you feel.

I’m really having a hard time putting into words the experience of recognizing the hook and deciding not to bite.  He kept giving them to me and once I saw them for what they are I felt immune to them. Like they were drops of water beading up and rolling away on the outside of a cozy weather proof jacket instead of soaking in leaving me cold and lonely.

Interestingly, I don’t feel sad about what’s not going to be there.  I feel more optimistic, curious, determined, focused & excited about what might be just around the next corner.

Double Dare – If You Are On Someone’s Hook

Get off it.  There is no need to have some deep conversation with them about it.  Doing so is really just being on the hook and they probably don’t even know they’re doing it and will have no idea what you are talking about.  It is simply a decision you make for yourself.  What that looks like in real life is every time they say, “but maybe…” you remind yourself it it just a hook and if it was really a possibility they’d be putting serious committed action into being with you.  It means not responding to their booty or come move furniture, or comfort me after my latest break up calls.  It means making the decision to withdraw your buy in to the hope and go find people who appreciate and value you 100%

Double Dare: If You Have Someone On Your Hook

This may require a final “I’m just not into you” conversation where you leave it at that and resist the temptation to soften the blow by saying “but you never know.”  It requires leaving them alone.  Not calling them when you need the little pick me up of having someone really into you around for a bit.  If you aren’t into them the kindest thing to do is to say so gently, kindly & with compassion and let them do whatever they need to do to get over it so they can be available for the person who will be into them.

While it may seem that having them on your hook isn’t hurting you, and may even be kinda nice.  It is unfinished business for both of you.  And unfinished business prevents what you are trying to create from coming into your life.

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You can shine at any time, even when your hair is a wet mess!

Today I saw a twitter profile that said, “Waiting for my time to shine.” One of my favorite things to do is to mess with common sayings and cliches.  They are are the mental equivalent of malware.

Without even realizing it, or that they are infected our caretakers instill malware programing into us though cliches and sayings. Next thing you know people are thinking they have to wait for their time to shine or that accountability is something one person can hold another to or that a glass is half empty or half full.  I like to offer a different perspective on common sayings, one that turns them into reminders of our ability to create our own reality.

Change does not occur by attempting to impose a complex program or even an “Easy 5 Step System” on your real life.  Change occurs when we interrupt our old habits and replace them with new ones over and over.  As Joe Dispenza explains, “Neurons that fire together wire together.”

When we think the same thought over and over those neurons create a strong bond.  Strong, but not unbreakable.  Each time that thought is interrupted that link is weakened.  Interrupting and breaking the link isn’t enough.  Now those neurons are waving seeking a place to land.  If given no viable substitute they will tend to reconnect and reinforce the rut.

However, if an alternative thought is provided they will link to that.  When we over and over again gently interrupt and redirect, soon the new path becomes the habit.

With this method we are not failures when our old ineffective habits pop up.  Instead, they are convenient reminders to do the new thing.  Our brains are designed with one directive – to keep us alive and safe.  As our society and lives became more complex so did our brain’s interpretation of what is necessary to keep us safe. Every habit of thought and action is ours because at some point in our life the portion of our brain charged with keeping us alive and safe deemed it as essential.

We move out of our parents house, graduate from high school, end that messy relationship.  And often our programing doesn’t get upgraded along with the changes.  Our survival brain continues with what worked before.  Often what served us at one point in our lives becomes an impediment to what we want to create later.

One of the biggest mistakes people make in trying to release old habits of thought.  Well the second.  The first is not even noticing them.  The second biggest mistake they make is treating them as something to be fought or broken.  Think about it.  They were put in place to serve to protect you.  They are like SEAL Team 6.  They will do whatever it takes to protect and defend.  Attacking them only reinforces their drive to protect.

Instead, when I’m replacing an old ineffective habit of thought or action, each time it comes up I thank it for it’s years of service and say this is what I need now for safety and protection and insert the new thought.

Let’s take this example of  “Waiting for my time to shine.”  I often hear this from clients.  Well, from people who have just become my clients – before they’ve re-wired their brains for success. I hear this from people who know they are meant to be doing more.  They are waiting for their time, as if some fairy godmother is going to swoop into their lives and poof! Bestow upon them success and happiness.  They continue in their rut, their time to shine always out on the ever moving horizon.

There is no need to wait. Shine now.  Shining is your choice of how you go through your day.  Shiny people walk down the street with a smile on their face.  Shiny people spend at least part of everyday doing what they love.  Some have found a way to get paid doing what they love.  Others at least dedicate their free time to it.  Shiny people go spend most of their time happy because they make the conscious choice to interrupt, thank and redirect thoughts that make them feel anything else.

Many people confuse shining with receiving external recognition, fame, fortune, hordes of twitter followers.  It’s true people with those things are shiny.  But they aren’t shiny because of those things. They shone first.  It is their shine that drew those things in.

From now on whenever you hear “Waiting for my time to shine” whether it be in your own head or from someone else. Replace it with the thought.  “Right now is my time to shine” and do something that makes you feel shiny. For me it is smiling and talking to someone who seems to be having a bad day and seeing if I can make it better.  It’s writing a Double Dare.  Or putting together a Thought Du Jour.  Or tweaking a presentation. That is if there’s no wind.  Otherwise its heading up the coast to go kitesurfing.

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I probably shouldn’t be telling you this.  I mean I’m a purveyor of personal development, helping people design their life around their passion.  I’m supposed to tell say it’s going to be easy and fun.  That I have the perfect formula.  Keep up a facade that I’ve got it all figured out.  You wanna know the truth? It is a whole helluva lot easier to stay in that rut living the life others expect of you.  Some days it is effin’ hard to make the transition to living your life.  It is a whole lot easier to do when you have someone accompanying you on the journey whose sole interest is in helping you get the life you want.

Today is one of those days for me.  My car is in the shop.  The checks I was counting on for that and some other expenses have not appeared yet.  It’s been raining for 3 days and the feeling of cosiness of working from home has worn off.  This is one of those days where it feels like my 5 year or even one year vision is an insane delusion.  Anyone out there ever been here?

Well I checked in with my coach.  He reminded me to think about what I’m grateful for. I decided to write this list.  If I’m busy coming up with 50 things to be grateful for my brain can’t at the same time build the case for why this will never work.  As Bruce Lipton explains in Biology of Belief growth and protection are mutually exclusive brain/body functions.  So let’s flip the switch from fear and protection to gratitude and growth.

1) This awesome house I live in warm, dry, high ceilings, tons of windows

2) The yard and garden and the 2 apple trees, lemon tree and orange tree that produce tons of fruit.

3) The compost bin. I love living in a place where I can have a compost bin. I hate throwing veggie bits in the trash where they get taken out of the natural system in the landfill.

4) The person fixing my car absolutely love’s 1996 Rav4′s.  He still morns the day his wife’s was totaled.  Servicing my car is an act of love for him.

5) The 4 cats & 1 dog I live with.  Not mine so no responsibility, no worries when I go on my extended travels.  But get snuggles & love.

6) I get to go on extended trips.  Just spent 2 months visiting my brother and 2 year old nephew.  He’s a rad little kid.

7) Kiteboarding

8 ) I’m excited and a little nervous about the article I just wrote.  It reflects an extension of my comfort zone.

9) The rain – we really need it here.  One of the reservoirs is not completely full.  Hopefully the other is on it’s way.

10) Eggs from my friend’s happy chickens that run around all day eating bugs.  The taste way batter and I think I can even feel the nutrients.

11) A friend who is coming to pick me up and get out of the house, step  away from my obsessive work and go have some fun for a bit.

12) A Course In Miracles – my alarm just went off to remind me of today’s lesson  “Beyond this world there is a world I want and it is impossible to see two worlds.”

13) Oooh, what’s that! Do I see blue sky?

14) Facebook, twitter and other social media.  I live in the perfect age for me. It is possible to publish my stuff directly to the people who want to read it.

15) My nearly 20 years of teaching.  Sometimes I wonder where I’d be by now if I’d started this entrepreneurial journey earlier.  And there are so many lessons I might have missed.

16) Having the flexibility in my life to take this leap.

17) I live in a country where water and electricity flow into the house and garbage and sewage is carried away. Thank you to all the people who handle that.

18) NextSpace.  The amazing co-working community that started here in Santa Cruz.  So many innovative and supportive people there.

19) Living in America’s organic salad bowl.  After spending nearly 2 months in South Florida I really appreciate how good we’ve got it here on quality and price of produce.

20) The availability of meat that lived healthy happy lives in Santa Cruz.  It usually surprises people to discover I eat meat.  I cannot live on vegetables alone and when I do eat meat I support farms that treat animals humanely.  For real humanely.

21) Kombucha – I just love that stuff

22) The crazy variety of foods we have in our stores.  I’ve traveled to places where there is a much more limited selection.

23) Tom Leeman including me when he shot pictures of everyone kiting at Delray Beach.

24) Technology – I remember packing for trips when I crammed books, walkman, tapes, camera, & film into my back pack.  It weighed like 50 lbs.  Now all that is in just a few inches of plastic, glass and silcion.

25)  MoveOn.org. I see many people using it to do much good in the world.

26)Bruce Lipton & Steve Bhaerman’s book “Spontaneous Evolution” they laid out what I was kinda thinking and did all the research for it.  It gives me hope in the moments when the world feels like a hopeless mess.

27) Supplementary income.  A friend who is giving me work doing some data entry stuff to help with the gap as I shift from caged paycheck to independent income

28) My computer.  I just love my Mac!

29) Jon Stewart.  He totally cracks me up!

30) Pandora – I like setting up radio stations for the different types of music I like to write to.  Ads are getting a little to frequent now.

31) Sara Maldanado my hair stylist.  She completely gets that I’ll never “do” my hair and styles it accordingly.

32) The fireplace – awesome and cosy on cold rainy days

33) Coffee – I love the flavor and I love the inflated sense of well-being and awesomeness I get from it.  In moderation it serves me well.

34) Living so close to the ocean.  Getting to see it’s ever changing moments of beauty and perfection.

35) Sleep

36) My cozy bed.  Wow, I’m really about the cozy on this list.  Maybe because I’m a little scared right now and the cozy safe cave feels really good!

37) Ted Talks – talk about being the change you wish to see in the world.

38) Our sunny deck.   Most mornings it is 10 degrees warmer there.  The perfect place for breakfast and morning writing.

39) I found a supply of my favorite journals.  Paperchase stopped distributing  my favorite journal int he US.  It’s an inch thick with soft cover and hundreds and hundreds of grid pages.  I found a store with some and bought up all 4. And they were cheaper too.

40) West Cliff – walking along there I almost always see someone I know.

41) Sunsets at Natural Bridges

42) 2244 West Cliff Drive. It’s my “It’s a Wonderful Life House”.  I’ll live there some day.  You can see the sunrise from the sun room and the sunset from the side deck.  I’ll be hosting sunset cocktail parties and salons to connect people who need to know each other to accelerate the various flavors of good they are doing in the world.

43) Jeff and Kane – I found them when I left teaching. Learned tons about business.  Now I just need to take what I’ve learned and adapt it to my unique style.

44) The Buttery’s Chocolate Ganache Cake – Eating it makes me happy

45) Fragrant flowers – I live coming home when the sun has hit them and released their scent into the air and the whole place smells like lilies or roses when I open the door.

46) Robert Bartz, who keeps insisting I see myself as he sees me.  (What he sees is pretty damn awesome!)

47) Jerry Green, who has been there for me for years. Who has been incredibly patient and compassionate and completely free of judgement.  There are some times I might not have made it through without him.

48) Hot outdoor showers after a day out on the water.  One day I’m going to have one that opens from both sides so when I shower after kiting I get to outside and then walk straight into the warm house from the other.  (Hey look at that! I’m imagining about the future with joy and optimism again!)

49) The kiteboarding community.  I love it. Any where you go in the world find the kite beach and you’ve just found a whole pack of very cool people.

50) Wordpress. I love that it makes it possible for me and so many other people to put a stake in the cyber ground for our greatest passion!

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I know better! I know I have absolute control over my reality.  I know holding a grievance hurts only me.  Yet for months I’ve been unable to really find peace  until I came across this quote from Wayne Dyer “How people treat you is their karma.  How you react is yours.” .

Ugh! The hours I have wasted so many hours imagining telling him why his treatment of me was so unjust.   It’s like opening a bag of those yummy, greasy, salty potato chips.  Just one more, just one more draft of a brilliant email in my head!  Just one more minute envisioning he sees the error of his ways and apologizes!

With the thought “how people treat you is their karma” I feel the need for justice whipping and snaking away into the darkness as I suddenly release the cord attaching me to him.  Oh, the energy I had been squandering holding on and fruitless pulling, pulling.  My inner 5 year old, whose sense of fairness was violated, and who was outraged that she didn’t get to say anything is suddenly soothed.  Ohhhh, riiiight,  how he handled things.  That’s his business.  Not mine.  How I respond.  That’s mine.

In the throes of my sense of violated justice and fairness I completely forgot that nothing anyone does to you even has anything to do with you!  Don’t take it personally!

I’m actually even laughing a bit because in the course of things he sent me long emails about how horrible I am and how karma was going to get me.  I love the Universe’s sense of humor and irony that the tweezers that pull this thorn from my paw is a quote about karma.

This whole thing has sucked on so many levels and so many ways.  And for every one of those ways it sucked it has also generated growth. It healed a 20 year old wound I didn’t even know was still open.  It gave me the opportunity to engage face to face with a voice for the message that what I’m trying to do is irresponsible and that it is time to come home from the land of the lotus eaters and get a real job. Yeah, I tried a real job for nearly 20 years and it nearly killed me.  Besides, I’m so far down this entrepreneurial path I’m ruined for a regular job.  So, onward!   And it gave me an opportunity to really grapple for forgiveness.So I will be able to better serve others struggling to release their grievances.

When someone tells me it’s impossible to let go.  I know it may feel impossible.  It may feel like doing so let’s them get away with it.  And truly, the only one you are hurting when you hold on, is yourself.  And no matter how hard or how long you hold on you’re never going to extract the justice you think you deserve.

I am grateful to  Wayne Dyer for the quote and  to the circumstances that dropped it in my path at just the right time.

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Today is World Water Day intended to remind people to pay attention to one of our most precious resources.  Today, also remember that we are 70% water. Dr. Masaru Emoto, author of The Hidden Messages of Water did an interesting experiment that was featured in What The Bleep Do We Know?   He subjected water to different phrases such as “Thank You”, “I love you” and “I’ll Kill You” and then froze it. When the water was subjected positive statements in created beautiful crystals.   When it was subjected to hateful statements it did not form a cohesive structure.

“Makes you wonder, doesn’t it.  If thoughts can do that to water…Imagine what our thoughts can do to us.”

I hope the Kanji are right for Love, Joy and Gratitude and facing the right way!

When I read this book years ago it got me thinking about the time I spend out on the Pacific

Ocean kitesurfing.  The body of water I’m zipping around on touches shores all around the world.  What if I were sending out positive messages across the water?

I put the kanji symbols for “love”, “joy” and “gratitude” on the bottom of my board.  Love because according to Bruce

Lipton’s research in Biology of Belief there are two basic states of human existence – love which is the growth state.  And fear which is shut down, stagnation and if maintained too long, death.  Joy because that is the most powerful emotional state for manifesting ones desires.  Gratitude because according to Emoto’s studies “Thank You” has the greatest impact.

Here’s a snippet from What The Bleep about Emoto’s work.

I’ve been visiting my brother in Delray Beach near Boca Raton or a little over 2 months now.  I notice how often people use the phrase, “It is what it is” here.  It is usually used after a relating a situation where someone isn’t doing what they want or something isn’t the way they’d like it to be.  There’s this sensation of giving up, as if the rest of the sentence is, “there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Is it really what it is?  Who’s is is it anyway?  You have your version of what is based on your point of view, on your perception of the situation.  The other people have their version of what is.

Each of these blind men is sure that “It is what it is”

How can their is and yours both be right and real? The answer is both are real and neither is real.  There is no one truth.  There are about 7 billion different truths wandering around on this planet. And each of those is subject to change.

In any given situation there are as many truths as there are people involved.  Just ask any police officer who  eyewitness statements at an accident scene.  Each person will have their own version of the truth and be equally certain theirs is the truth.  The human mind is not like a video camera.  It cannot simply record the order of events.  Every layer, even what we select to see is filtered through our beliefs and perceptions.

And  truths change as our perceptions change.  Just ask the attorneys interviewing the eye witnesses of the accident later.   Someone we talk to or some new experience may suggests a new insight or perspective.  If we take it on our perception changes and thus our “it is what it is” changes.

And if it is what it is and nothing can be done about it why are you wasting your time and energy rehashing it?  To be fair, retelling it does support the theory that your is is what it is.  To the brain there is no difference between “real” or imagined. Every time you re-tell a story your brain experiences as happening right now.  It produces the same emotional chemicals. It fires the same neurons.  It becomes more “true” every time you retell the story.  It is what it is – along as you keep telling yourself the story.

It is what it is and what it is can be changed at anytime.  So it isn’t really what it is then is it? And fuzzy wuzzy wuz a bear and fuzzy wuzzy had no hair so fuzzy wuzzy wasn’t really vuzzy wuz he?  Or wuz he?

The real question is what is your “truth”  doing for you?  When you re-tell it do you feel happy, joyful and inspired?  Or do you get that stomach knot of anger, annoyance or frustration.  Or that faux good feeling of righteousness?  They are SO wrong, I am SO right and for a brief moment I think I feel good because I got my fix of  that adrenaline surge that comes every time I retell the story.  And so it is.

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Pintrest can be a great tool for creating your own reality.  The human brain doesn’t know the difference between something that is real or imagined.  When you retell a story from your past, to your brain it is happening now.  When you tell the future you want as if it were happening now, to your brain it is happening now.  The more time you spend with your thoughts and emotions engaged in what you want, the more likely it is to become your reality.

You may be familiar with the concept of a vision board.  Cutting out pictures from magazines that represent the things you want to manifest in your life.  Unfortunately, the way most people are presented with the idea, they end up creating a board that will keep the things they want from ever actually manifesting in their lives.  More on that later.

My challenge with creating a vision board was that it felt too limiting.  First cutting out pictures from magazines.  I never seemed to find images that really captured what I wanted.  And I found myself getting stuck (ha, ha) on the gluing things to the board.  It felt so confining to have to glue them down, so permanent.  And I’ll admit it.  Perfectionism kicked in a bit trying to create the perfect board.  And then once the board is made, what happens to most of them really?  They end ubecoming invisible as they become familiar. Sitting in the corner gathering dust.  Then what do you do with it?  You can’t very well throw out your vision and yet it’s become a bit of clutter.

I tried all kinds of things.  I tried a photograph mobile where I created boards for different areas. Similar idea to the Pintrest boards.  The movement kind of helped. I tried a box of clippings & photos that I’d sit and go through. That was better.  It was still limited by the images I could find in print media.  And I often travel.  Often for extended periods and often with kiteboarding gear so every ounce is important in my packing.

Pintrest is the perfect medium for my vision board.  Not only can I draw from the whole internet but I can also easily upload my own pictures. I can access it from anywhere.  It is flexible.  I can add and delete photos as they increase or decrease my inspiration and magnetizing emotions.

Some might think, “My vision board is personal and private! I’d never share it openly online like that.”  As I understand quantum physics and the field, the internet is an interesting embodiment of the sub molecular connection between us all.  Putting it into that field seems adds juice to my vision boards.

First, in seeking items that reflect what I want to create in my life I am spending time in the parts of the internet that reflect that current.  Second, in putting it out there on this place where we collectively come to play and create. The internet is a sort of physical embodiment of our collective conscious. And you never know who may be able to help you with what you want to create.  They can’t help if they don’t know.

Common Vision Board Mistakes

Now that you’ve got a tool to really add some juice to your vision boarding you want to be sure your boards are designed to draw in what you want. I’ve seen a few Pintrest boards that could be keeping those desires at bay.

1) Name Your Board In The Positive – I saw a series of boards named, “Why isn’t my  house like this?”  The pictures were gorgeous.  Unfortunately with that phrasing your house will probably never be like this.  This title focuses on the lack.  Every pin reinforces the gap between where you are and where you want to be.   Try it.  Pin 5 items thinking.  “I wish my house was like this.”  Next, pin 5 items thinking “I love living in this house”.  Notice your emotions, and remember your emotional state is the key to what you manifest in your life. As Jerry and Esther Hicks explain, the greater and more authentic your joy and excitement the quicker you manifest your desires.

2) Focus on Your Perfect Average Day – When most people make vision boards they make them about their really big dream.  That is important and often it is too big of a leap.  They don’t believe it is really possible.  It is too big of a gap between their vision and their daily commute and marking time in their cubicle.   Even when you accomplish that big dream you’ll still be doing everyday things like eating, sleeping, putting on one pant leg at a time.  Try a board about your Perfect Average Day.  What do you eat?  What do you do?  Who are you with? Where are you?    You may be surprised to realize some parts of your perfect day are already part of your daily routine.  And that others can become so with a few small changes.  Soon that big vision will seem very possible.

3) Word It In The Present Tense – Your brain believes whatever you tell it.  If you tell it this is the house or wardrobe you wish you will have sometime in the future.  That is exactly where it will stay.  Always in the future.  If you tell your brain that this is what you have right now it will say OK, and wait, but what you are saying is our now doesn’t match with what our actual now is.  It will get really busy trying to figure out how to close that gap.  Let’s say you want to be fit and you create a board “I Am Fit” and load it up with images that make you feel happy and excited about being fit. You may suddenly start finding yourself feeling the urge to make choices that a fit person would make.  Like going for a walk when the 2:00 dip hits instead of going for the candy machine.

Happy, Purposeful, In-The -Now Pinning!

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The stores are filled with paper hearts.  The airways with messages that the only measure of a person’s love is what they do/buy for you on February 14th.  And if you aren’t in a relationship.  You might as well get a big scarlet L tattooed on your forehead.  I’d like to suggest another alternative.

This year be your own Valentine.  Not the fake being your own Valentine where you bitterly down Cosmos and a box of chocolates for yourself.  I mean really make an effort this month to figure out how to really, for real, love yourself.

If you don’t love yourself it’s not fair to the people who love you.  There is no way they can ever fill that hole for you.  Not anymore than they can eat your lunch for you.  There’s not a diamond big enough, a dinner fancy enough to ever fill that void.

So this year, whether you are single or in a relationship figure out how to be your own Valentine.  As with all thing when people want to make the shift it is the daily habit of thought that makes the difference.  This month there are reminders at every turn.

Every time you see a paper heart, a 2 for 1 Valentine’s Dinner Special or a doe eyed stuffed animal clinging to an “I Wuv You” heart, check in with yourself.  What kind of Valentine are you being to you?  What if someone treated you the way you are treating yourself?

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Whoa! I never thought I’d be agreeing 100% with a Chrysler car ad! Yet there’s Clint Eastwood saying everything I’ve been saying. Lighting a fire in America’s belly to go out and WIN this thing! For most people this pep talk will be gone by Monday morning. But for others….

There will turn it around in the second half.  They find ways to turn the fear into excitement and inspiration.  They decide to stop wasting time looking back and start looking forward.  Even as they go through their same old day they refuse to settle for it and start imagining their perfect average day.  They turn off the TV when the fear mongering starts. Instead of wasting time figuring out whose fault it is, they start figuring out solutions.  They remember the only difference between fear and excitement is breathing.  They take the time to stop and breathe.

They use Eastwood’s fire in the belly narration to kickstart new habits.  And they back it up with daily action.  Hell, they back it up with moment by moment action. At every choice, every thought asking.  Is this moving me closer to what I want or farther away?  What could I do instead that would create the reality I want?

Here’s the real secret to a Second Half Comeback: We create our reality.  We create it in the choices we make, the thoughts we think, the things we say, the people we hang around, what we watch on TV, how we spend our money.  We can change our reality at any time by changing these things.

If we’re coming from way behind it may take a few downs to turn the tide.  The biggest mistake people make is giving up when they don’t score a touchdown on the first down.  A team making a 2nd half comeback backs up the locker room pep talk with a steady push of focused action on the field.

Click here if you’d like to take the locker room pep talk and develop a strategy for your second half comeback.

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It’s February. Do you know where your New Year’s Resolutions are?  If you are like most people they fell off your calendar some where around January 15th.

Even if this year you set goals instead of making resolutions you may be noticing you’re back to doing the same old, same old.

How familiar is this? January 1 – lots of determination. This is going to be the year you make it happen.  For the first few days you are really good at doing or not doing what you said.  Then one day you just don’t fee like it.  You give yourself a day off.  It turns into 2, maybe 3.  Maybe you get back on for a day or two.  It’s just to hard to keep going and by the end of January you’ve fallen back into your usual routine.  And you’re feeling like a failure for not having had the will power to stick to it.

The problem is not that you are a weak willed failure. The problem is that will power is the wrong tool for creating change.  It’s like trying to use a hammer when you need a screwdriver. 

The problem with will power is an attempt to create change from the outside in.  It seems like an internal thing because if we just had more of it we’d have the moral character to make the “right” choice.  But really it is operating at the outer most levels of the system driving our behavior.  It is a function of the conscious mind.  And the conscious mind is not even close to running the show.

Einstein once said, “One cannot alter a condition with the same mind set that created it in the first place.”  The beauty of this is that when one shifts one’s mindset change comes easily and is permanent.

The challenge for most people in changing their mindset is that they can’t see it anymore than a fish can see the water in which it swims.  They have no idea which of their habits of thought are supporting and which are thwarting the changes they want to make.  Most people aren’t even aware of what they are thinking much less knowing where to begin in changing their mindset so they naturally create the changes they want.

Don’t give up on your 2012 Resolutions!  It’s not too late too make this your year….If you take some action now.  This time, make it a kinder, gentler action than the self-flagellation that is will power.  Alter your mindset and watch how easily the changes come.

If you’re not sure where to begin I’m offering a special on 1:1 consultations to help you get started.  Click here to find out more.

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Most people are familiar with the idea that if you want to hold onto something set it free, if it comes back it is yours, if not it was never meant to be.  The irony is, if you want to let something go, you must first embrace it.  Sometimes when I’m trying to do either I agree with Depeche Mode, “that God’s got a sick sense of humor and when I die I expect to find him laughing.”

I Will Call Him George and I Will Hug Him and Love Him

Wouldn’t it be so awesome if things worked the other way?  And we could be like the   abominable snowman in the Bugs Bunny cartoons who just wants a rabbit of his very own.  When we want something  we could “call him George and I will love him and hug him. And I will give him security! And I will keep him warm like a mother hen, so he will never feel rejected or lack for love.” And we would never melt into a puddle of disappointment.

It seems when we want something all that focused intense energy seems to drive it away.  It is only when we can settle into a genuine detachment from the outcome that the thing we want or better can move towards us.  Our smothering desire can actually drive away the very thing we want.

If You Want Something To Go, First Embrace It

And this is the part that makes me think, Ha ha, very funny Universe!  When we are resisting something or wanting to drive something out of our lives or anger or perseveration on how much we hate it is really just the other side of the coin of our smothering desire.  Yet when we want something that focused energy pushes it away and when we don’t want something that energy keeps it connected to us.

The irony is, that if we want something to leave our lives we must first embrace it.  There is research out there for curing cancer in which instead of blasting cancer with radiation. Which is pouring huge amounts of “attack” energy into it.  Patients are instead embracing their cancer.  Instead of viewing those cells as “bad”, viewing them as a natural response to imbalances and even being grateful to them for that information.  Then restoring the balances.

It All Comes Down To This…

I’ve noticed my ability to let the thing go that I want and to embrace the thing I don’t want comes down to how much I trust myself.  When you find yourself trying desperately to hold on to someone or something that seems to be trying just as desperately to get way stop and ask.  How much do I trust myself to survive?  To be happy without this?  Remember true happiness comes from within.  If we are looking for something outside ourselves to make us happy there is something we are not giving ourselves. 

At this moment I happen to be grappling with wanting to block something out of my life.  And I’m getting a big dose of  “that which you resist, persists”!  I put an email block so I would not have to see related messages.  Even though the block was set up correctly and blocks on other addresses were working these came through.  Ha, ha, OK, I get it, I don’t just get to avoid this.

So I asked, “How much do I trust myself to handle and be OK with whatever may come up in this situation?”  When we allow something outside ourselves to throw us off balance or put us in fear mode we have forgotten who we really are.

Who we truly are is much deeper and bigger than any circumstance in our lives.  “It’s the storm, not you that’s bound to go away”.  During a rainstorm you can either resent every raindrop for making you wet and miserable or sing and dance and appreciate the rain’s contribution to growth.

Those circumstances we don’t like are merely a symptom of some imbalance in our life.  They are there to get our attention.When we resist we perpetuate the imbalance.  And the lessons continue to escalate until we get it.  When we embrace we heal, the lesson is no longer necessary and so departs.

Today’s Dare:

If you are trying to hold onto something.  Let it go and trust everything you need is within you.

If you are trying to block something embrace it and trust yourself to be able to handle whatever comes your way.
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In an effort to make the Daily Dare actually daily, or at least nearly daily I set goals and made plans.  I even wrote out a whole schedule for the week blocking out what hour I was going to work on different parts of building my business.  It was as if I had never met myself before!

I had planned out January Daily Dares to be about goal setting and the discipline (committed daily action) required to bring them to fruition.  A funny thing happened on the way to my goal…

Every morning I have a routine of reading from a few different sources of insight and spiritual  stretches.  Almost every morning I’d think, “I really need to write a post about that.”  I’d put it on my list and jump into into getting things done.  Those posts never got written.

The other day I realized I needed to write those posts right then.  It’s taking some adjustments in my Schedule of Doing to make it possible.  And based on the feedback I’m getting it’s worth it.

Achieving your goals does require daily committed action.  It just may not be the actions you make up you are supposed to do.

I wonder how many other people are like me. Confusing doing things with getting things done.  And yet when you stop doing and simply start being more happens.

If you must have a To Do List let it be this:

1. Do set your goals.
2. Do review them daily
3. Do develop the discipline working on them daily.
4. Do pay attention to that little whisper of a suggestion of what to do.
5. Do trust and just Be.

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I’ve had this quote on refrigerator magnets, greeting cards and such for years.  I never really understood it until today.

I understood it to mean you are kind, loving, forgiving and  compassionate – to other people.  For example, when I see  a hate and fear filled political rant instead of getting pissed off and returning the hate I try to embody cooperation and collaboration.  That’s what I was doing when I posted about Osama Bin Laden’s Death.

I thought I was being the change I want to see in the world.  This morning I realized how innocent my understanding was.

This morning my Course of Miracles Lesson explains that it is our beliefs that keep the world in chains.  We are like tuning forks.  What we vibrate we send out into the world. What we vibrate we create in the world.  And holding kindness, loving, compassion and forgiveness for others is just a meaningless facade if you do not truly hold it for yourself.

Whoa! That really hit home!  If I had a nickel for every time someone gave me the feed back that I’m too hard on myself.  That I need to show myself some kindness.  Some compassion.  Be gentler with myself… It comes from people who have known me for years.  It comes from people who have just met me.  Clearly my tuning fork is vibrating this message strong and loud.

Recently, I’ve become very very clear my goal, my passion, what I’m inspired to speak and to write about is the shift this world needs to more compassion and collaboration.  My goal is to inspire people to dare to dream of designing their life around their passion and help them figure out the practicalities of actually making it so.  I want to be a catalyst for raising our Gross National Happiness.

Now I see that by refusing to grant myself the same kindness, compassion, forgiveness and loving that I readily give others I am actually limiting it for the world.  For right now, until I really develop the habit of giving myself all those things I’m using the motivation that by doing that for myself I’m serving the world.

Next time you find yourself wishing for change in the world.  Stop and ask am I giving this to myself first?

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Recently when I told an old acquaintance what I’m up to with building my speaking and writing career he* became disgusted with me. He sees what I’m doing as completely ego driven. He worded it elegantly, “dismayed at what I’ve devolved into.”

With all my study and training as a coach (working 1:1 with people to create change) and facilitator (working with a group to create change), I’ve been practicing the discipline of honoring all feedback. I’ve been giving this feedback a great deal of consideration.

One of the things I told him was I wanted to be a public figure. He said he wouldn’t wish that on his worst enemy. Today I came across this quote from the I Ching

To become a center of influence is a grave matter and fraught with great responsibility. It requires greatness of spirit, consistency and strength. Hexagram #8 Pi

My term “public figure” was my attempt to convey this greater meaning of a “center of influence”. My goal with my speaking, writing, coaching and consulting is to bring people ease and joy in their lives as individuals so they can then go and spread the same to others.

When I read this quote I felt a little afraid. This is a grave undertaking. Am I really up to it? Am I capable of the great responsibility it requires? Do I have the greatness of spirit? What about the consistency? The strength?

There is a saying that the reward for achieving a goal is not obtaining the goal, but the person you become in the process. Perhaps right now I don’t have all the consistency and strength, and should I choose to really take on this task I will develop them.

Do I have the greatness of spirit? Yes I do. We all do. It is who we are. We just go to great lengths to hide it and hamstring it with all our insecurities and fears.

Maybe it is egotistical to even want to become a center of influence. I so firmly believe that what I’m bringing to people will benefit them, their families and humanity that it would be selfish not to make it available to as many people as possible. My goal is to bring these ideas to people who haven’t heard them before. And to offer comfort to people who are shell-shocked as the “too big to fail” institutions crumble. I was lucky that they crumbled for me 3 years ago. I know a thing or two that can make the journey easier for others.

Imagine for a minute what would the world be like if you and everyone you knew was living the life true to them instead of what was expected of them. What would life be like if you and each person in your family and everyone you knew lived a life designed around their passion? What would it do for kids if their parents were really truly happy? Were modeling doing what you love instead of doing what you have to do? What would it do for the world if people were finding fulfillment in themselves, their families and their communities instead of the trip to the mall?

How are you influencing your world?

When I imagine it my whole body smiles. What I see is like this image. Each center of influence creates a spiral of influences. Each of those in turn creates a spiral of influence and so on and on and on… When one person dares to step into their center of influence hundreds, thousands more, are created.

I think the world is due for some due for some some other influences than the Kardashiens

*gender may or may not have been changed to protect privacy

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Since I’d like to actually make some things happen in 2012 I’m not making New Year’s Resolutions.  Based on what I know about how the human brain moves from point A to point B and makes lasting change, traditional New Year’s Resolutions are perfectly designed to ensure failure.

First, let’s take a look at the definition:

Resolution – noun 1. the act or an instance of resolving 2. the condition or quality of being resolute; firmness or determination 3. something resolved or determined; decision

All three definitions focus on the resolving, the deciding.  That is a great first step.  It is similar to the first step in my formula for Daring to Design Your Life Around Your Passion.  In my formula, the first step is to declare what you want.  I chose declaration over resolution because I am a firm believer in The Field and the connection between energy and matter.  When we make a declaration we shift things in the field and activate resources outside ourselves in support of our declaration.

The problem with staying in resolution is that is just the deciding phase.  It gives the illusion of doing something while never actually leaving the launch pad.  It is action, not the condition of being resolute that creates change.

The next way most New Year’s Resolutions are perfectly designed to guarantee the experience of failure is the way they are worded.  This year, even if you just change how your resolutions are worded, you will improve your chances of success.

1) State the Positive: The human brain tends to think in concrete images and doesn’t process the word “No” or  “Stop”.  For example, if you tell a child, “Stop hitting your sister!” the stop falls off and the image that remains is of hitting sister.  The key is to state what you DO want.

For example, the classic “This year I’m going to stop smoking”.  The brain doesn’t know what to do with stop.  There are all kinds of habits and routines built around smoking.  You can’t just stop that.  You must replace it with something else.  Why do you want to stop smoking anyway? Is it for your health?  Is it because you want to be around to see your grandkids?  State your Declaration around that.  You’ll probably be surprised to find that “stopping smoking” was actually a limiting idea.  If you focus your goal on being healthy you’ll probably find yourself discovering a myriad of other ways you can improve your health.

2) Get Clear and Specific: Which of these goals will you know without a doubt you’ve achieved?  a) Drink more water.  b) Drink 64 ounces of water everyday.

The more clear and specific a goal the more likely it is to stick.  If you’d like assistance in honing your resolution into a clear and specific goal post your resolution in the comments.

3) Own The Action Now: If you have applied the previous steps, what was once your resolution to “lose weight” may have become something like “I will weigh 145 pounds.”  That’s an awesome start! And you just fell into the most common trap of New Year’s Resolutions. 

The brain is much like a computer in that it diligently runs the programs we install as they are written.  If your goals are stated in the future as “I will….” or “I’m going to….” your brain will follow orders and make sure those results stay right where you say you want them.  In the future.  As each future becomes your new now that goal will move up to the new future.

Here’s the cool thing. You can actually use this mechanism to help you. Take a look at this picture of a circle. There’s a piece missing.  The brain hates gaps.  When there is a gap it gets very busy filling them in. When you state your goals as “I weigh 145 pounds” and you don’t your brain knows there is a gap there.  The human brain has bajillions more processing power than even our most advanced computer and it doesn’t know the difference between real or imaginary.  Stating I weigh x amount in the present the brain experiences that in the now.  But wait! We don’t actually weigh that amount! You have just activated the worlds most powerful super computer finding a way to close that gap.  You will suddenly find yourself deciding to skip the scone.  Deciding to take the stairs.  Picking the salad instead of the fries.

4) Set A Date: Ever notice how much more productive you are when you have a clear and specific deadline?  That is a reflection of how the super computer between your ears works.  Meeting the goal of weighing 145 pounds by June 1st, 2012 requires a very different set of actions than weighing 145 pounds, you know, sometime, whenever.  Set a deadline that is both realistic and creates some urgency.

5) Review Daily: Life happens.  Even the most powerful goals can get shoved aside in the chaos of daily life.  If you let them.  I review my goals every morning before my meditation and every night before I go to sleep.  We do some of our best problem solving when we are asleep.

A rocket uses 90% of it’s fuel just getting off the launch pad. In order to support you in your launch of your 2012 goals throughout January the Daily Dare will be focusing on setting goals and getting them off the launch pad.

Stay connected for support and motivation in turning your goals into your reality.  Pick your favorite communication.  Subscribe to have Daily Dares delivered to your inbox or follow on facebook or twitter.

Update: Someone shared this on my facebook: The staff at Alice 96.7 get real with their New Year’s Resolutions

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2011 was not my best year ever.  Parts of it were downright brutal.  There was one thing in particular making me crazy.  I was wasting hours of my life obsessing on a situation I could not change.  It was the last thing I thought about going to sleep and the first thing I thought about in the morning.

I decided this is NOT coming with me to 2012.  I pulled out a pad of paper and  started writing.  I told that person everything I wanted to say.  I recorded in angry scrawls, that cut through the paper, the complete unfairness of it all.  I let tears run the ink and make the paper soggy as I wrote out the hurt and betrayal.  I wrote pages and pages for two hours, until every thought and every emotion had run it’s course.

At the end relief.  A sense of cleansing.  Waters running clear again.  And there was another unexpected gift.

By writing and writing whatever came up, once my pissed off 5 year old tantruming about the injustice had worn herself out, a voice of wisdom emerged.

My situation in 2011 was simply my rock bottom of a pattern that had been a disservice to me for years.  I found myself chronicling event after event where I had set aside my well-being to make sure someone else didn’t have their feelings hurt.  Again and again, the pattern repeated.  Had I listened to my instinct.  Had I trusted myself.  Had I believed being loved is a right we are born with, not something that has to be earned.  I never would have been in those situations.

Bright yellow flames leaped up from the pages when I put the match to them.  As the burn slowed I watched the embers move through paper.  The words were still visible on the ashes until a touch of the poker sent them tumbling through the grate.  And so, what happened in 2011 stays in 2011.

The next morning when I woke up instead of writing futile letters in my head I found myself thinking about how to reach my goal of 100 speaking engagements in 2012.

That’s the beauty of hitting rock bottom.  If you don’t chose to give up and just lie there your next move is the bounce back.

What are YOU leaving in 2011?

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When I was a kid every Sunday night I’d be scrubbed and in my pajamas snuggled on the couch with a bowl of popcorn waiting for music to play, the lights to light and for things to get started on the Muppet Show that night. Sesame Street was born the same year. I grew up on The Muppets academic and moral lessons that invariably devolved into hilarious bouts mayhem with fur, feathers and sometimes even spongy bodies flying.

So when I heard there was a new movie I was going and I was getting a tub of that horrible for you popcorn dripping in that horrible for you butter-like substance and I was going to enjoy every bite and step back into the world of the Muppets.

One of the reasons the The Muppets work is they are really just spongy versions of us grappling with identity crisis, wanting to belong, wanting to be loved, feeling like it’s not easy being green.

Going to this movie I was just excited to have a childhood memory be larger than life for a little while. And to have some fun for a bit. I’ve been getting alot of feedback both from people who’ve known me for a long time and people who have known me for only a short time that I need to stop working so hard and have some fun.

Ahhhh, I was all settled in my seat with my bag of popcorn giggling at both the gratuitous physical comedy and the jokes designed for adults, just cruising along on The Muppet ride. We were approaching the end. Was the day going to be saved? You know it is because it’s The Muppets. Not like those horrible new TV shows and movies that actually would kill Toto. In Muppet world you can sink into the uncertainty because you know it’s going to be OK.

Saving the day came down to one little Muppet named Walter. They needed him to save the show. He was afraid. He didn’t know what his talent was or if the talent he had was good enough. During their heart to heart his pep talker said, “Believing in everyone else is easy. It’s believing in yourself that’s hard. That’s when you grow up.”

Ooougggghhh! That drove right into my heart. A friend said to me several years ago, “When are you going to start believing in yourself the way you believe in everyone else?” She said it years ago and yet somehow watching that little Muppet and rooting for him to step up and step in and the soaring dramatic music when he did drove it home. That and the little niggle of “That’s when you grow up.”

I’ve been such a Walter!! I’ve been hiding out in the back of other people’s seminar rooms instead of stepping onto the stage myself and whistling my own tune! I’ve been hiding out from writing Daily Dare posts because it actually scared me when people told me what an impact they’ve had.

Well enough! It’s time to grow up, put on my big girl panties and give to myself the same compassion and unconditional, judgement free support that I give to everyone else!

And where in your life are you hiding out from stepping into the limelight meant for you by being too busy supporting everyone else? Your spot light is yours alone. No one else can sing your song. Think of the joy that will go unfelt. The laughter that will be unlaughed. The inspiration that will go unrealized. The world needs your message. Today dare to step onto the stage, into the spotlight that only you can fill and believe in yourself as you do everyone else.

Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us.  How dare we let it into our decision making, our livelihoods, our relationships.  -”Robert California” The Office, Season 8, Episode 5

As a student of human dynamics and the psychology of business one of my favorite breaks is to kick back and watch the painfully awkward antics of the Scranton office workers.  It is a bit of a bus man’s holiday watching a show on human dynamics in business.

The new Robert California character played by James Spader has intrigued me.  He seems to shine a light in on the shadow sides of the characters.  Call out the elephants in the room.  I loved the cleverness of this quote.  Here we are following the puppet in one hand of the usual Office antics, distracting, keeping attention on the light and silly and meanwhile the other hand is weaving a powerful lesson.

Watching just the clip of the quote doesn’t give the full impact.  That’s the beauty of it.  It isn’t just a soundbite.  It’s more than a gimmicky Halloween scare.

And I love how he is slightly pissed off.  How DARE we let fear into our decision making?  We are starting another election cycle.  There’s so much propaganda from all sides attempting to drive us to make decisions out of fear.  What if as a group this campaign voters said enough of the fear already and demanded a campaign based on solutions?

Ok, that’s a tall order I know.  I tend to think big picture.  Someone once said to me “You can’t see the trees for the forest.”  So what if we all just started refusing to allow fear into our decision making in our daily lives?  Studies show that when we are afraid we lose several IQ points.  There is also the saying that “The only difference between fear and excitement is breathing.”

What would it create in your life if you noticed when you were letting fear into your decision making, stopped to breathe and then decided?   What would we create in our world if more and more people made that their habit?

Today’s Dare:  Refuse to allow fear to motivate you.  Refuse to allow it into your decision making.  Refuse to allow it into your livelihood.  Refuse to allow it into your relationships.  Insist that love and gratitude drive your motivation, decisions, livelihood and relationships.

And invite friends to do the same.  We need everyone we can get!

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I first learned this lesson a few years ago along with Oprah.  I remember when she shared her inability to say no and the impact it had on her life.  Feelings of resentment being stuck doing things she didn’t really want to do.  Feeling like everyone else’s needs came before hers.  Even putting other people ahead of her own well-being.

As she shared I remember feeling a visceral reaction of Holy Cow that’s me! Right along with her I adopted the practice of saying, “Let me get back to you on that” when someone asked me to do something.  Then taking the time to picture myself doing it.  Did I feel excitement or irritation at the idea?  Did it really work with my schedule?  Did it really align with what I say I’m up to in my life?

Next came the challenge of simply saying, “No, That doesn’t work for me.”  It’s amazing how we think we need to make up some sort of elaborate excuse.  The fact is most people on most occasions are fine with a no.  They don’t care the reason.  They just need to know so they can find the person who is an enthusiastic yes.

That’s the other thing I realized in this.  There’s no point in being the martyr.  You’re really not that important.  If you say no the world’s rotation isn’t going to grind to a halt.  And even more importantly there is someone out there who likely would love to have that opportunity.  Your grudging, resentful yes deprives that person of the opportunity.

When you take up the practice of saying No.  Check in for a moment.  Were you getting a little pay off of self-important martyrdom?  Everybody depends on me. Oh my schedule is so packed.  I noticed that all that busyness for other people was also a very effective way to avoid living my own purpose.

For me, taking on the practice of saying No also revealed a lack of belief in my own worth.  I rushed to say yes and be helpful and indispensable to people because I thought that was the only way they would want me around.  Not a very respectful way to treat my friends!

As I started saying no to the things I wasn’t really excited about I had to start thinking about what I really wanted in my life.  The clearer I got on that the less I had to say “Let me get back to you.”  I knew right away if something aligned with what I say I’m up to.  And soon I began to notice an instant yes or no buzz in my nervous system.

Learning to say no is much like learning to ride a bike.  At first it is going to feel completely foreign and awkward.  You’re going to feel wobbly and uncomfortable, and soon it gets easier and easier and then one day it is just second nature.

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When you see a penny on the sidewalk what do you do?  Do you pass it by as not worth the effort to bend down and pick it up? If you do pick it up what is your mindset? Is it gratitude or indifference?

Years ago I started the practice of always stopping to pick up pennies with a silent “Thank you”. At first I felt like a dork stopping to pick up pennies and would try to do it all stealth-like.  Yeah, that usually ended up with me looking even stupider.  So instead I just owned I’m picking up the penny on the sidewalk.  As Wayne Dyer says, “Other people’s opinions of me is none of my business.”

Probably if you are reading this post you’ve read many of the same books I have about manifesting abundance and are very familiar with the idea that it is all there waiting just behind the curtain to come into our lives and the only thing that is stopping it is our own mental blocks about it.

When I see a penny on the sidewalk I imagine it as a little bit of the vast abundance that would like to pour into my life.  The penny is just a sliver that managed to squeeze through a crack in my blocks and resistance.  If I could make it a movie it’d be a funny animation of this bit of abundance squeezing and working it’s way through that tiny fissure.  Imagine doing all that work to get here and then just being passed by.  Or picked up but not appreciated. Would you be likely to make the effort again?

When I pick up a penny I do so with gratitude.  Not just for the bit of change but for the reminder that it is but a symbol of the great abundance that would come my way.  The reminder that a hundred times, a thousand times that amount would come pouring into my life if I would only let it.

I notice when I’m on track, when I’m in the flow I find silver change and even bills.   Some days it seems my path is just paved in money.  I also notice when I go a few days without finding money I find myself asking, “How am I off track?”

A bit superstitious?  Maybe.  Still I dare you to take on the practice of stopping to pick up the penny no matter where you are or who is around.  Pick it up, say a silent thank you, and note that this is but a symbol of the abundance that is now available to you and that 100 times this amount is on it’s way to you.

When opportunities like this come your way how do you participate?  Do you miss them completely? Do you sit on the side lines part of you dying to just jump in? Are you a shy participant? Or an enthusiastic participant? Or are you a leader?  There is a saying that life is holographic and how we participate in one are is a reflection of ho we participate in all areas. What if you took up just one level?

Is the glass half empty or half full?  Traditionally people who see the glass as half empty have been deemed pessimists and those who see it as half full as optimists.  And what if there is a whole other way of looking at the glass?

What if an empty glass or a half empty glass is not a symbol of lack but of possibility?  My Yogi teabag today had the message, “Empty yourself and allow the Universe to fill you up”.

The more you empty out the old that doesn’t serve you anymore the more room you make for the new.  This can be the physical clutter.  You say you want a new relationship but your place is filled with mementos of the old.  It can be mental. You say you want a new relationship and yet everyday your grievances about the wrongs your ex did to you invade your thinking and your language.  Are you one of those people who spends the whole first date talking about how horrible your ex was?

To make room for the new you must clear out the old.  A glass that is half empty has more possibility for new potential than one that is half full.  So maybe all along our “pessimist” friends have really been representing the greatest possibility.

And here’s another perspective:

And another:

and another…

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The story goes that Pandora’s housed all the ills of the world.  And yet in there among all those nasties was one bit of good – Hope.  Something never seemed quite right about that to me.

The story explained that it was because hope was meant to be the one salvation for humanity now that all these ills had been unleashed into the world.  It didn’t make sense to me that it was stored with them in the first place.  Was it misfiled?  Why was it there?  How had all the little nasties not destroyed it while confined in the box?

It wasn’t until after working with many different people in different situations that I realized hope has a dark side and may have actually quite at home with the other miseries in the box.

I notice that hope can become a way of keeping one’s desires in the future and prevent them from engaging in purposeful action towards creating that goal.

When we hope we are counting on a source or power outside us to fulfill our desires.  When we decide and act we are relying on ourselves to generate the results we want.

It is actually the nastiest thing in the box.  Because it gives the delusion of comfort and ease while luring us into staying stuck.

Think of something you want in your life.

Say the phrase, “I hope x happens.”  Notice your experience. 

Now say, “I am (insert action verb of your desire.” Now what is your experience?

There are the stories of people in dire situations relying on hope to get them through.  Take a look below the surface and you quickly discover in fact they were relying on their own mental discipline of focusing on what they want, telling stories of learning and possibility and finding creative solutions.

Today Give Up Hope.  Make room for intention and committed action.

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I’m fed up.  I’ve been trying for aaaages to make this website follow the “rules” of what a consultant, coach and speaker website is supposed to look like.  I’m done.  I’m doing it my way.  All the experts keep saying telling me not to put in the kitesurfing in because it’s confusing.

Well you know what? It’s more confusing when big chunks of me are missing from my site.  So I’m putting them in. And who do you want to work with?  Someone with a site that follows all the rules of marketing copy or someone who is real?

Where in your life are you putting other people’s opinions ahead of what you know is right for you?

When you have a problem do you go talk it over with the village? Or everyone on your Facebook feed?  All you get is a hundred different opinions filtered through those people’s views or the world. They may have the best of intentions, and  NO one knows what is right for you except for you.

When I was first learning to kiteboard lots of people had lots of advice.  One person in particular.  One day he got really frustrated with me and accused me of not listening.  I explained that just because I didn’t choose to take his advice didn’t mean I didn’t listen to it.

Clients tell me they don’t know what to do.  But they do know.  They are just out of the habit of listening to themselves.  With the advent of the 24 hour news shows, mobile social everything opinion has become the main filler.  It is the empty carbs of communication.

The only person’s opinion that matters in your life is your own.  To hear it you have to make room for it.

Listening to yourself is not an occasional event when you have to make a big decision.  It is a daily discipline.  For me that is through a practice called Daily Pages from The Artist’s Way.  Every  morning I write 3 sides of 8×11 plain white paper.  It is a brain dump.  I write whatever comes to mind.  It’s amazing what comes out.

What will turn off the external flood of opinion so you can hear yourself think?

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I’m not going to lie.  The transition from 20 years of security working for the school system to striking out on my own as a consultant and motivational speaker has not been easy.  As I write this I find myself looking back over the last two years and wondering why I didn’t give it up ages ago! This journey has felt a bit like Sisyphus and his rock.

Lately, it has felt like that rock rolled right over me on it’s way back down the hill.  So I’ve been finding new ways to support myself.  One is using Tony Robbins‘  Hour of Power I’ve turned my morning workout into an active meditation.  Part of the program is doing incantations as you exercise. Things like “Everything I need is within me now!” and “Everyday and in every way I’m feeling stronger and stronger!” I felt a bit silly at first.  I still make sure no one is in ear shot and as silly as it seems it actually works!

This morning I passed a girl maybe 15 or 16.  She had more than the typical adolescent black cloud looming over her.  As she passed suddenly my incantation became, “Everything you need is with in you now.”  As I thought it I experienced an surge. Kind of like you get when first firework lights up the sky and cracks the air with it’s boom.  With it came a certainty, a reassurance that I am on track.  That I have the capability to assist people in reviving their joyful enthusiasm.

Hopefully her cloud was just a little less dark as well.  It’s hard to say who really gave whom the gift.

Katy Perry sums it up well:

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When you dare to put a stake in the ground for what you believe in you become the light in the darkness showing the way and creating the meeting place for others on the same mission.

A friend recently dared to declare on her business website that she only wanted to work with people making a positive difference in the world.  She was afraid to plant that stake because she was afraid she might be ruling out business opportunities.  She probably did.  And she has been busy with new clients who share her mission.

So often people try to be all things to all people.  For fear of missing out on business.  For fear of not being liked.  For fear period.  The result is a diluted, bland and inauthentic version of you.

When you dare to hold strong boundaries for what is true and authentic for you your fellow tribe members (and customers) can more easily identify you. Everyone may not like what you stand for but they are more likely to respect your stand.

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I have a friend on Facebook whose statuses are quotes from Ekhart Tolle and similar authors.  Her posts are reminders to strive for peace in the world by practicing personal compassion and acceptance. When Anthony Weiner politician  announced his resignation that her status expressed delight in his fall and hope for similar for the remaining Democrats.  (If this scandal has passed when you discover this post insert the name of the latest politician and his/her political party)

It is easy to extend compassion and understanding to people we like and with whom we agree.  That is a good start.  The real work, the real embodiment of those principles happens when we extend them to people we don’t agree with and don’t like.  When you can do that you are walking the walk.  Otherwise, it’s just talk.

Today watch a TV show or listen to a radio show or engage in conversation with someone with whom you strongly disagree.  As you do so extend the same compassion and understanding you would to someone you agree with and like.

It is hard.  I still struggle with it.  It is in the doing it when it is hard that we make the most difference for ourselves and our world.  As we head into the 2012 presidential election cycle there will be no shortage of opportunity to practice – no matter what your political persuasion.

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This dare is based on a personal experience.  I was working with a coach the on identifying my niche as a speaker.  She gave me a profound gift.  Permission.  She gave me permission to close the door on my previous career and to pursue the new course that gives me joy.  I didn’t even know I was missing it until she granted it to me.  And the amazing thing was as soon as she did I was able to grant it to myself.  My experience was a combination of relief of putting down a heavy burden and of a bird soaring powerfully and playfully in the sky.

Within the hour I was able to pay it forward.  I ran into a friend and we had a chat over coffee. She was also struggling with burn out on her 25 year career.  She thought it was a foolish idea to pursue anything else.  After all, she has all this experience. Yet she was tired of it and longing to move on to something new and different. By the end of our conversation she was soaring on the wings of possibility generated by the granting of permission. The years of burdens, the shoulds & the have tos dissolving into possibility.

I’ve noticed that people have difficulty truly giving themselves permission until they experience it being granted by someone else.  It doesn’t make any sense on a logical level.  My coach had no authority to give me permission.  I had no authority to give my friend permission.  That permission can really only come from within.  Yet receiving it from someone else seems to get things going.

What is permission really? It is saying “Yes” to someone’s dream.  You may be the first person to do so.  You may be the tipping point person to do so.  You may be the 5th of the 10 yeses they need to hear.  When you say yes to other people’s dreams you generate yes for yours as well.

If you are reading this sentence you are hereby granted permission to follow your passion.  To arrange your life around what brings you joy in life.  To close the door on your old career, old ways of doing things,  – no matter how many years you’ve invested in it.   Now pay it forward, and say yes to someone else’s dream.

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In the face of a diagnosis of cancer Bruce Feiler enrolled 6 of his closest friends to be the Council of Dads for his two young daughters.

Today’s Dare: If you have young children make sure they will be cared for and supported should anything happen to you.  Name your Council of Dads or Council of Moms.  Bruce has a how to  kit on his website.

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What do we typically do when a baby takes their first step?  We don’t say, “It’s about time.  Why aren’t you running yet?”  We don’t criticize how wobbly it was. Or how little distance was covered.  No, we clap, we laugh. And we gently and joyfully encourage more.

And what do we do when we take our first steps in learning a new skill or attempting something new?  We analyze and criticize.  We reprimand ourselves for not having done it sooner and for not doing it perfectly yet.  Think about that baby again.  Which of the reactions is more likely to make it keep trying?

We pretend that being hard on ourselves is holding a higher standard.  But if you really take a look at the things you’ve attempted in your life.  Did it really lead to a perfectly executed result?  Or did it lead to you feeling like a failure and a loser? And retreating to your version of comfort and avoidance like shopping or sitting on the couch watching old re-runs of Friends?

Next time you find yourself criticizing your less than perfect efforts picture a yourself as a child.  He or she has is proudly sharing the results of their efforts.  What do they most need and want right now?

If that is too much try picturing a child you know and love.  Or look at these eyes.  Look at that face.  What would you say to him if he did something less than perfectly?

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If you did yesterday’s dare of just getting on the metaphorical bike then you are probably having a similar experience to your first attempt at riding a bike.  It probably didn’t go much like you expected or planned.  Your ride was wobbly and swervey.  Inelegant.  You may have fallen and bruised your ego.

If your inner bully is anything like mine it is relentless.  Even now, after years and years of reading the personal growth book of the week when I don’t do something well that I think I should my “you’re a failure” tapes kick in.

It took some practice.  It took sticky notes on my mirror, in my car, in my wallet, and the message “There is no such thing as failure, only feedback” on my screen saver to help me remember.  Now when my inner bully pipes up with his little you’re a failure song and dance my response is, Ok, ok, thanks and right now I need to concentrate on figuring out what the feedback is here.

For some people this idea that there is no such thing as failure.  That it is all just feedback may raise all kinds of alarms.  If it does just for now try it on the next time your first or 100th attempt at something doesn’t work.  You can always go right back to believing you are a failure.  Just notice which one is more effective for getting what you want.

I am doing this exercise along with you.  I had been cruising along with this belief, much less bothered by things I would have seen as failures before.  Now I’m having the opportunity to have it really tested again. My passion outside coaching and speaking is kitesurfing.  For the last 6 years I lived near a world class kitesurfing beach.  I has its own set of challenges – waves, sharks, strong winds.  They were the challenges I was used to.  The challenges that were so familiar they weren’t really challenges anymore.  Very recently I moved to San Francisco.  There the challenges are very different – strong currents, fluky winds, boat traffic.  Suddenly I went from queen of the beach to having to be rescued my first 2 times out. I’ve made 3 attempts at the races and have made it across the start line only once and not once across the finish line.   The “You’re a failure” tracks suddenly went into high rotation with the volume cranked way up.   Once I remembered the principle I got busy figuring out the feedback and learning the skills I need to meet the challenges unique to that kiteboarding spot.  Next week will be attempt 4.

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Remember learning to ride a bike?  You didn’t learn by reading about it.  Or thinking about it.  Or going to seminars on it.  You learned by getting on the bike and trying it.  You probably had someone there who knew how to ride a bike.  Once you made an attempt they could give you feedback on adjustments to make.

Until you actually made an attempt you and your teacher had no idea what would be working for you and what would need adjustment.  It is the same with every other outcome you want to create in your life.  You can read and think about it and prepare for it only so much.  At some point you must just do it.

The irony is that to perfectly execute a project or outcome you must make imperfect attempts.  Those attempts reveal valuable information that is impossible to anticipate.

What is the “bike” in your life?  What report, website, etc. are you convinced needs a 10th or 78th revision before it is ready to be shared?   Which of your dreams is unfulfilled because you’re so busy planning for it?

Today. Right now.  Do whatever is the equivalent of actually getting on the bike and riding.  Just DO something.

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The Amish have a tradition.  When they make something they intentionally put in a flaw.  The belief is that only God can make something perfect and to try would be hubris.

As a child I would get frustrated because art projects and my handwriting never came out the way they were in my head.  Thanks to the gift of dyslexia not much ever did or ever would. I might have gotten into the habit of giving up. Instead, my mother who would  remind me of the tradition of putting in a flaw saying, “There, now you have your flaw.  Now you can go on.”

This has became my habit of thinking.  Even to this day when I make a mistake that could be framed as a failure of a project I find myself thinking.  “There’s my flaw, now I can go on.”

I’ve often wondered if the Amish tradition didn’t evolve as a way to keep people from being paralyzed by perfectionism.  It is amazingly freeing to pursue a task with the mindset that it is only perfect if it has a flaw.  At the very least maybe the idea will distract and confuse your inner critic long enough for you to get the project done.

When you find yourself in perfection paralysis.  Try thinking of the flaw as a requirement for perfection.

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Do you find yourself never actually doing anything because there is always one more step you must do to prepare?
Or because there is always one more revision to be made?
Do you have unfinished projects abandoned when it became clear it wasn’t going to come out looking like it does on the box or in your mind?

If you answered yes to these questions then you may suffer from Perfection Paralysis.  Millions of people suffer from this heartbreaking condition. It causes them to miss out on experiences that would bring them joy and satisfaction.  And causes them to experience chronic regret and frustration.

The good news is there is a cure.  And it’s not a little pill with a list of side effects more horrifying than the condition itself.  Perfection Paralysis can be cured by changing one’s habits of thinking.

We used to think that the neural net of the brain was pretty much set by adulthood. In the last few years it has become clear that the neural net can be changed.  Much as a person can change their body by changing their diet and exercise habits.  The brain can be changed by our diet of information and thinking habits.

Even if you’ve suffered from Perfection Paralysis for what seems your whole life, through changing your diet of thoughts and a new thought routine you can make a change.  You can free yourself from the crippling effects of perfectionism and finally start living your life to the fullest.

Note: No matter how perfect you are, this  may take longer than a week  One doesn’t go from being a couch potato to running a marathon in a week.  Just as it takes extended daily commitment to new eating and exercise routines to get in physical shape, it takes commitment to new thinking habits to get into mental shape.

This week’s daily dares are about presenting new thought diets and thinking routines to incorporate into your life this week and beyond.

Just like exercise they only work if you do them.  Doing them less than perfectly is better than not doing them at all.

This week read the dares, do the dares and post your results here on on the facebook page.  Even if you didn’t do it perfectly.  Especially if you didn’t do it perfectly!

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Most people interpret Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken” to be an ode to individuality and taking one’s own path. I’ve always seen an additional meaning.  He indicates that the paths are equally worn.  So they must have about the same traffic.  What if it is not just question of how many other people are on the road but also how many times he has taken that road?  Taking the road we travel less can make all the difference

Today take a different route.  Driving to work. On your morning run. To the kitchen.  Our outside world is a reflection of our inside world.  Have you’ve worn a threadbare path in the carpet?  Most days are you on such autopilot that you don’t even remember your commute? your thinking is likely in a rut as well.

Changing ordinary routines knocks the brain out of it’s automatic pilot zombie trudge through the day and through life.  It doesn’t matter if there are lots of other people on that road.  The person you most need to connect with may be on that road.  What makes all the difference is that you take the road you have not taken.

If you should happen to have an adventure of a moment of serendipity on your new path please share it here.

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When you give and give and give you are really taking.  When you are constantly giving you leave no room for the other person to contribute.  It creates an unbalanced relationship.  You deny them the opportunity to experience one of the 6 basic human needs – significance.

People want to contribute. A balanced give and take builds community. Think about how good it feels when your offer for help is graciously accepted.  What if asking for and accepting assistance was actually the greatest act of giving?

I used to be a give, give giver.  Then I hit a point in my life where I had to ask for help to survive.  I was surprised when one of my friends shared with me how happy he was to be able to give to me for a change.  “I’ve always wanted to give something back, but you’ve always been so strong.  I felt like I had nothing you needed.”  Needing support and assistance from friends deepened our bonds, strengthened our community.  Suddenly we went from people who know each other to a “village.”

I often get teary eyed with love and gratitude for my village.  Whenever I dare to take a risk I never feel like I’m doing it alone.

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Most people think the internet is a world wide web of information.  But really  it is an ever tightening net of filtered information.  Google, Yahoo, AOL, facebook and a multitude of other sites are dedicated to offering users a tailor made experience.

It seems helpful and useful, but as Eli Pariser explains in the TEDtalk below “the internet is showing us a world it thinks we want to see, but not necessarily what we need to see.”

Today’s Dare: Watch this video and from now on click with the intention of keeping your net wide.  Keep the search engines guessing what to send you. Seek out online the things which challenge you.  Seek out sites with opinions different from yours.  Download Waiting for Superman right away and let Ironman sit for a few days.

Eli talks about how “filter bubbles” could be detrimental to democracy.  I would add that they are also detrimental to our own personal growth.  When we get only information supporting our current worldview our thinking becomes stagnant.  You never know what new and different information or perspective could ignite your passion.

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What if you held out for your dreams the same way you held out for the perfect pair of shoes for an outfit?

We do this you know.  We get a picture of the absolutely perfect pair of shoes we need to complete an outfit and then search relentlessly until we find them. And keep our minds open for something even better that we never even thought of.

And yet when it comes to our lives we’ll accept any old thing that comes our way.  Or worse talk ourselves into something that is completely wrong.

When you try to turn a running shoe into a white satin pump all you get is....Well, something like this...

There are women who want a family yet persist in dating men who are clear they do not want kids.  He is a running shoe and they are seeking a white satin pump.  He might be the most amazing running shoe ever.  Still not going to work with that wedding dress. (Also, no fair being mad at the running shoe for being what he is).

We do it in our careers.  I did it for years.  I wanted to wear the fabulous bold colored heels of an entertainer.  Instead I settled for the sensible shoes of a teacher.  Now I’ve found the perfect shoe – a bold fabulous looking heal that is also sensible. OK, a heel is never really 100% sensible, but they are making them much more comfortable now, padding, good design, etc.   When I started my journey all I knew was the shoes I was wearing weren’t enough, they didn’t reflect my fun innovative side the way I wanted.  I tried on alot of different shoes and finally found what is right for me.  There were many along the way that would’ve worked but they weren’t my Cinderella slippers.  Now I’ve found it and I invite you to do the same.

While we’re at it let’s reframe that story.  What if your glass slipper isn’t reveling to the prince you’re the mysterious princess?  What if stepping into your glass slipper means stepping into the shoe that is exactly meant for you so you can most comfortably and easily walk the path that is meant for you?

Hold out for what is right for you.  Wearing the wrong shoes just ends up in painful blisters which slow you down and ultimately stop you altogether.

Now that you’ve confessed Your Secret Dream pursue it as relentlessly as you would the perfect pair of shoes.  And dismiss anything that is not a match just as immediately and completely as you would the wrong shoe.

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I have a friend who’s real passion and purpose in life it to be a mother who stays at home and dedicates drive and ambition to her family.  For women of our generation admitting to and pursuing this desire takes a great deal of courage.  We grew up watching our mothers fight for equal opportunity.  We were raised on the belief that stay-at-home motherhood was the shackles created to keep women down.

She hid this dream for years. I remember the first time she confessed this to me and one other close friend.  She felt like she was letting the sisterhood down by wanting to dedicate her ambition and drive wholly to raising a family.  She was miserable in her career, even though it drew on her talents and her interests.  It wasn’t what she knew she was meant to do.

When she confessed to us we gave her our wholehearted support.  We both wanted to see her happy.  And the world could use a few kids raised with the same kind of dedicated passion that some people choose to invest in their careers.

The first step is confessing your dream to someone you can trust to treat it with the proper care and respect it deserves.  Sometimes it is a family member.  Sometimes it is a friend. And sometimes without even knowing it they are more committed to supporting some other version of you.  Sometimes you need to seek out the support of a coach or mentor whose has no dog in this fight and whose only objective is you getting what you want out of life.

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A few years ago The Secret took the personal growth and change world by storm. It claimed that the world is your catalog. Visualize what you want and poof! It will appear Vision boards became the rage. People scoured magazines for images of their dreams to glue to poster board and and waited for the Universe to deliver their every desire. For most people life continued on unchanged as the glue gave way and the images of their dream life peeled away as their vision board gathered dust. Lately I’ve notice a second wave of discussion about manifesting one’s desires. The conversation this time is that envisioning is only half of the formula to manifesting your desires. The other half is action.  Bryan Franklin and  Maren Kate have covered how to put action behind your desires.

Ok, not this kind of vacuum. Images of the other kind are hard to find.

I’m here to tell you about the 3rd essential step to drawing in your desires – the vacuum. Nature is said to abhor a vacuum. This is a poetic way of saying that where there is an empty space something will fill it. What if instead nature adores a vacuum because a vacuum creates the opportunity for growth, advancement and development?

How to Create a Vacuum

1) Take Out Physical The Trash

Get rid of anything that is not in alignment with what you say you want. When I left teaching I got rid of all my teaching clothes. Even though some of them would have functioned in my new career in business. Every time I put them on I felt like I had one foot back in the classroom.

Get rid of anything that represents relationships that do not match what you say you want.  I knew a guy who had a collection of gorgeous cashmere sweaters. Gifts from his ex-girlfriend. He looked great on all his first dates. Second dates weren’t a problem.  He got rid of them because no matter how good he looked wearing them was like bringing his ex along on the date.

Ruthlessly purge anything you don’t absolutely love or haven’t used in a year. What is clutter in your house may be the very thing someone else trying to manifest. Follow the sage advice of Desert Pete and prime the pump to start the flow. Get that stuff back into circulation. You’ve got to give until you get.

2) Take Out the Mental Trash

Often when I start working with a client who wants to create change in their life they tell me, “I’ve been doing affirmations, but they haven’t really been working.” Just a few minutes of listening to them talk I know exactly why those affirmations aren’t working. Their language (and so their thinking) is over flowing with the negative. Chanting positive affirmations is like trying to put flowers on top of an overflowing trash heap.

Most people think that thinking happy positive thoughts is the most effective way to change. The problem is most people also have such pervasive negative thought habits that it creates a Teflon layer and the positive thoughts slide right off.

You cannot claim to want to draw in abundance and prosperity and then in the next breath talk about how you can’t afford this or that or talk about how bad the economy. You cannot claim you want to draw in a loving partner for a relationship then in the next breath talk about how all men are pigs or how your ex- is a complete psycho.

Think of it like waves. When two opposite wave patterns connect they cancel each other out. No more wave. No movement. No change.

The good news is the brain is as changeable as the body. You can be a couch potato for years and as soon as you start consistently exercising and eating right muscle will replace fat. You could be the Scroogiest of them all for years and as soon as you make a habit of noticing and interrupting your negative thoughts your brain will rewire. The key is to notice and interrupt the negative wave before inserting the positive.

3) Dare To Use the Resources At Hand

This is the other side of the “get rid of the physical trash” coin. Useful things that are in alignment with your desires can block flow just as effectively as the other. Often people fail to use and appreciate the abundance that is already in their life.

The gifted fancy treats or lotions and soaps sit in their cupboard shelves and their “good clothes” sit in their closet waiting for that special occasion that never comes. The food expires, the soaps go hard, the lotions separate into liquids of disturbing colors and viscosities, the clothes go out of style. None used up for their purpose. None having the opportunity to create the experience of abundance and prosperity they were meant to. Why would more be manifest when the abundance that has already been sent has not been used and appreciated?

Others who claim to be manifesting abundance and prosperity and are really driven by a scarcity mentality. They store up resources “for a rainy day”. They say, “I know all is going to be manifest, but I’m going to hold onto this – just in case.” They say they want to create prosperity and abundance, yet they are reluctant to use the resources at hand for fear they will be used up gone.

Sir Richard Francis Burton said, “Broke is a temporary condition, poor is a state of mind”.  A poor state of mind is like salted earth to abundance and prosperity. A prosperous mind fearlessly uses the resource at hand.   Start small use up what you can from a place of appreciation and gratitude.

What is often lost in the translation in books about manifesting is that it’s not about ordering everything you want from the Universe R Us catalog. Manifesting your greater good is actually an evolution. Setting into motion an upward spiral of your life. To reach each next level you must dare to fearlessly use the resources of the previous level.

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